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trans, hot, mean

Nico and Eleanor chat about themselves and complain about cis people.


Nico: I’m Nico. Should I say my pronouns? My pronouns are they them.

Eleanor: My pronouns are also they them.

N: Shocking. No it’s not, that’s why we’re here.

E: So I would describe myself as a transmasculine non-binary person slash hottie.

N: I think that I also describe myself as a transmasculine non-binary person but a lot of people have been asking me lately “what specifically you are and what you identify as?” and in those instances I usually say, like, a blob. A floating genderless blob. Or Like denim. I feel like my gender is denim.

E: Woah.

E: Anything mean you have to say about cis people that you’ve been wanting to get off of your chest? Or they’re like “I’m not cis I’m normal.”

N: Yeahh.

E: It’s like no if you’re cis you’re a fucking freak.

N: Who probably doesn’t know how to dress that well. If I’m being frank.

E: Yeah 90% chance.

N: Because you’ve never had to think about your physical body as like a form. So you just kinda slap shit on it and I’m like Karen, you’re not using shapes as well as you could be.

E: No, not at all.

N: A mean thing I want to say about cis people is that they think that being nice is something that anyone can be. Does that make sense? They think “I am nice because that is a trait of who I am” and it’s like “no you’ve just get to never be confrontational ever.”

E: Oh my god, you know what a cis person said to me last week.

N: What?

E: I’m in this class and I was complaining about the class, and I was like “I don’t really like most of the people in this class” and she turns to me and goes “you’re so cynical.” And I was like ok so in a study of like 1000 cisgender people 87.5% of participants said that they would not be open to dating someone who was trans.

N: They just have really bad sex, which is fine for them I guess.

E: Yeah! It’s cool. Well the 12.5% of cis people who would date trans people

N: I mean they can feel free to slide into our dms

E: I’m single right now

N: We’re both single right now

E: I mean I’m not going to find you that interesting I’ll go ahead and say that.

N: You know what a lot of cis people like to do? They love to talk about the name thing. They love to talk about it so much, I mentioned it a few times like “oh I’m thinking about changing it” and then very loudly in front of people I hadn’t told a cis person would be like “SO I HEAR YOUR CHANGING YOUR NAME” and I’d be like “no actually I’m not” and they’d be like “BUT YOU JUST SAID” and I would be like “…” gaslight the shit out of them I’d be like “I don’t know what you’re talking about you must be confused.” And then they do start to doubt themselves you can see the fear in their eyes.

I’ve also too had a lot of cis people want clarification, which I get. But they’ll be like “so you go by Nico now” and I’m like “yeah” and they get kinda quiet for a second and then go “Just so you know I still see you as DEADNAME.” And I don’t listen to the rest of the fuck of what they’re saying, but I’m just like in what way do you think that’s helpful for me to hear.

E: Yeah.

N: And I should just be like “hey, fuck you cissy!”

E: Nice.

N: But instead I comfort them like “No that makes sense it can be difficult to transition.”

E: Once again being trans can be really hard for the cis people around you.

N: It’s so confusing.

E: They’re just so confused. Those poor things. Get yourself to a library ok.

N: Or just literally google.

E: Google is a lot like a library but it’s easier to navigate. I think cis people don’t know about it.

E: Nico, could you explain for the listeners what a “terf” is.

N: It stands for trans exclusive radical feminist, I guessed that on the spot, that is what it stands for. If you hate being called a terf you are probably a terf. Well I mean it’s like if you wear any piece of clothing or hold any sign that has a uterus on it, you’re probably a terf.

E: If you’ve ever even touched a pussy hat.

N: Especially if you made them.

E: Oh my god you had so many opportunities to realize that was a stupid idea.

N: If you look like you’ve never tried on a vest, once at least, and then immediately taken it off in regret, you know what I mean? You’re probably a terf.

E: Like a denim vest specifically.

N: If I can’t picture you in a canadian tuxedo, you’re probably a terf. Probably, and you know what that reminds me of, if you say “herstory” instead of “history” you’re probably a terf.

E: Probably.

N: And that’s not even a stretch that’s just the truth. Those are the same people who are like “Bathrooms should be separate” or they think not all bathrooms should be gender neutral.

E: Yeah.

N: They’re wrong.

E: I’ll tell people that and they’ll be like “some people are afraid of men.”

N: I’m scared of men!

E: I’m scared of men!

N: And I’m scared of women!

E: Honestly I don’t leave my house that often because I’m scared of men. So you can stay home the way I have to.

N: I’ve built my whole life to be around the least number of men possible. Being in a room with just straight women is actually so terrifying. And it never really happens to me anymore, so I don’t really think about it that much.

E: It’s terrifying. And then immediately, because they don’t really care about trans people, they turn to everybody in the room and say “Finally! We’re alone!”

N: Yeah, but you know what else is funny about that, this is how you know you’re trans and you’ve been trans is when men leave the room cis women say “finally we’re alone” and if I’m in a room with men and the women leave the room they say “finally we’re alone.” And that’s how you know.

E: Oh my god.

N: Tips you’re probably non-binary is that happens to you no matter what group you’re in.

E: That’s why we’re just good undercover agents for the gay agenda.

E: I haven’t even looked at my new trans name on Urban Dictionary.

N: Maybe you should do that now. Wait I haven’t either! Let’s do it.

E: Ok.

N: Mine before was so boring. It was like “she’s a slut” and I was like “OK, but tell me something I don’t know.”

E: Would you read it out please?

N: Yeah, this one says “Nico is super cool and gets tons of pussy” and literally saying that word makes me feel ill. This one says “Nico is a proper legend and has art skills for days, trust me.”

E: I love that.

N: I’m just going to internalize that.

E: That’s so you. That’s who you are now.

N: Uhg, I love change!

E: Well I haven’t dropped my new name yet so I’m going to keep it pretty mysterious.

N: I would love it if you kept it pretty mysterious.

E: “A wonderful person that tries their best to make you smile-” wow they/them pronouns! “May have a dirty mind, but you know you enjoy it. You want to bond with them when you meet them -” This is all one by the way “You’re attracted to them. Always cracking jokes that make no sense to anyone else, unless you have a mind like theirs. Seems sweet and peaceful to everyone until you get to know them. When you make them mad, they honestly get dangerous. Can kick ass if necessary. And you know you love them, even if you can’t accept it.”

N: What! I love these example sentences. “Last night I was with a Nico and he banged me out of bed.” What does that mean?

E: That doesn’t sound like a good thing.

N: No it doesn’t sound like a good thing.

E: Clearly a very cis understanding of good sex. “We fell out of bed!”

N: We fell literally out of bed.

E: I feel like mine was better.

N: Well I skipped over “Nico, a genderfluid who loves video games and drawing, is quiet but is loved by many he sees-” I have never been quiet a goddamn day in my whole life.